It would be nice if CatholicMatch were like J-Date--a good and fun way to bring people of the same faith together. Instead, the site is fosters divisive attitudes among Catholics and condones racist, intolerant, and misogynistic behavior.

The problem, in part, is made evident when you first join: you are made to fill out a highly personal questionnairethat is made publicabout which Church "teachings" you accept and which ones you do not. You must answer yes or no to The Most Important Catholic Questions Ever of premarital sex, abortion, contraception, papal infallibility, and holy orders. I'm a very devout Catholic who generally has no problem with most of the Churchs positions, but I firmly believe that forcing people answer "yes" or "no" to these questions is counterproductive for a dating site. First of all, these matters are often private--things best left to private discussions with a priest or other religious authority. Second of all, these questions are often more complex than a simple yes or no questionnaire allows (and contrary to CM belief, these questions are not self-evident dogma; they are constantly up for debate within the church itself).

Third, and most importantly, by forcing people to divulge how they stand on personal issues, the site fosters intolerance among its members and sets up an us vs. them mentality. Youre either a good Catholic or a bad, flawed Catholic. In the forums, you regularly see people refer to other site members as a "5/7"--shorthand for a bad Catholic, or a member who doesn't agree with the church's teachings on premarital sex or birth control. (It rarely occurs to anyone that someone could be a "5/7" by disagreeing with the church's stance on not allowing priests to marry or papal infallibility--no, a "5/7" is always shorthand for a member who is promiscuous.) It's sad that a Catholic site promotes such judgmental attitudes on the part of its members.

Predictably, this religious "litmus test" scares away people who are more moderate and less dogmatic in their beliefs. I have friends who were so turned off by having to divulge their beliefs about birth control or gays that they decided to boycott the site altogether. I have another friend who, having ticked "no" to the papal infallibility question, received a long, strident piece of hate mail from a member who called her "unfit for the faith" and "living in a state of mortal sin." All because she doesn't believe the pope is infallible!

I'm sure that many Catholics would read this review and tell me that only good Catholics need apply and cafeteria Catholics aren't welcome. Well, whatever. CM still allows divorced members to join--because they bring in money, I assume. Yet no one raises an eyebrow at this. They're too busy bashing members who ticked "no" on birth control or something.

Since moderate Catholics are scared away, CM is an echo chamber for people who hold far-right political views and spout intolerant ideology. Basically, it can be a scary place if you're not an ultra-conservative white Roman Catholic male who secretly fantasizes about instituting the Catholic version of Sharia law. In the past few months, I've seen the following things take place in the message boards and at the Institute:

*One man mocked women who use birth control for medical disorders, implying that they are whores who use endometriosis as an excuse;
*One man said that women who get breast cancer deserve it, because breast cancer is caused by delaying childbearing and/or using birth control pills;
*Two men, on different occasions, said that narcissistic unmarried Catholic women will be at fault when ISIS takes over, because womens refusal to have a lot of children is enabling Muslim countries to "outbreed" us;
*One non-Catholic person, who was on the site trying to figure out if she wanted to become Catholic, admitted that she didn't quite agree with the church's stance on birth control, and she was harassed out of the forums and ended up leaving the site (she wasn't even Catholic yet!);
*Several men have voiced concerns that women on the site are "too educated" and therefore not open to God's plans for women (because apparently God doesn't want women to be educated);
*Men and women alike consistently blame feminism for why they aren't married yet and pine for the days when women didnt work or college or "take jobs away" from men;
*People continually make racist comments about Obama and misogynistic comments about Hillary Clintons physical appearance;
*Some members have used very egregious hate speech against Muslims, which almost always goes undeleted/ignored by administrators;
*One young man admitted to having violent impulses toward women and wrote that when he sees a young woman wearing skimpy clothes, he wants to punish her. More disturbingly, an older woman in the forum offered right then and there to introduce him to her daughter, saying that hes the sort of upstanding guy she wants as a son-in-law. (!)

I understand that there are many racists and misogynists in the world, Catholic and not Catholic, and that the internet gives them safe cover to say whatever they want. What truly bothers me is that CatholicMatch tolerates this behavior. As a Catholic site, it should make it a priority to ban hate speech and other dehumanizing sentiments. Im sorry, but its not ever appropriate to say that a woman deserves breast cancer because she didnt have children early enough, or because she used birth control pills. Its not acceptable to express violent thoughts toward women who wear skimpy clothes, or Muslims, or gays. Its really shameful and embarrassing. Its embarrassing that this site exists, and Im sorry I ever saw any of this stuff.